The Vampire Diary

Wow. Just wow.

That’s all I can say after watching  tonight’s second season premiere of The Vampire Diaries (thanks to my trusty time-travel machine).

Don’t worry, no big spoilers here (promise), but there are a few things I absolutely must tell you about tonight’s awesome return episode:

1. Even if you’ve never seen it before, tonight’s TVD premiere will make you realize how sorely TV has been sucking this entire summer season.
2. If you happen to be a showrunner for another series (especially a new fall contender), I highly encourage you to check out tonight’s TVD (and the May season-one finale, if you haven’t yet) to see just how many jaw-dropping plot twists you can successfully execute in a single episode. Bosses Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec manage to throw in more cliffhangers and plot development in one hour of television than some other series do all season long. And guess what? It works.

Now, for you diehard fans, a taste of what is in store:

1. The first five minutes alone will have you gasping. It picks up exactly where we left off—with a certain someone giving someone else a five-finger discount.
2. I honestly can”t count the number of surprises I did not see coming…There are that many.
3. Whether you like it or not, you diehard Damon (Ian Somerhalder) fans are gonna be more drawn to Stefan (Paul Wesley) than ever. Let’s just say he’s not taking kindly to any threats to his precious Elena (of the kissing kind or otherwise), and you’ll see him protect her in a way that is both ridonkulously hot and notably Damon-esque. (Paul Wesley, you are so owning the role of “Ste-fuh” in this episode, my friend. Kudos.)
4. Nina Dobrev knocks it out of the park as Katherine, giving the role just the right amount of edge, while not overdoing it, and as a testament to her acting ability: I want to punch Katherine in the face. Yay!
5. If you’re trying to figure out who’s who tonight, here is your guide to Katherine versus Elena: The bigger the hair, the tighter the pants, the closer to evil.
6. Ian Somerhalder is fantastic as always, and you’ll spend much of the episode debating whether you want to kiss him or kick him in the teeth.
7. A certain diehard fan faction who loves a certain coupling will be weeping after tonight’s episode, and I welcome you to our comments section or my Twitter (@kristindsantos) for a little post-mordem group therapy.
8. The upside? The heartbreak in tonight’s episode sets up what is looking like a fantastic season two. Dare I say possibly even better than season one? Too early to tell, but in case this entire love-letter post didn’t give it away, I’m feelin’ it.

With only 24 hours to go before the Season 2 premiere of “The Vampire Diaries,” fans have just enough time to prepare themselves for the emotional roller coaster. Strap on those safety belts, Salvatore fans.

You’re about to see everyone’s A-game.  From the writers to the cast, every single person involved puts forth his or her best-ever performance in this episode, “The Return.” Ian Somerhalder must have spent his summer coming up with a whole new repertoire of smirks and scowls, and Paul Wesley‘s knack for nailing subtle moments shines. Nina Dobrev is so convincing as both Katherine and Elena that I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that she actually does have an evil twin who is doing half the job for her. Zap2it chose Michael Trevino and Steven R. McQueen as two of the most underrated TV actors, and I’m sure that by the end of this episode, you’ll agree.

I don’t want to give away too much — mostly because I made some very embarrassing noises while watching, and I don’t think I should have to be alone in that. Here’s what I can tell you without ruining your fun… or mine:

• First thing’s first – this episode is hot. Between Katherine’s fashion choices, a good long look at Wesley’s abs, and one of the most sizzling make-out scenes I’ve ever witnessed on screen, I’m expecting a run on cold showers around 9 p.m. EST tomorrow.
• When Vicki died in the first season, we learned that nobody on this show is safe. Keep that in mind. If there’s anything I know about “The Vampire Diaries,” it’s that if you think things are going to be okay… you’re wrong.
• Two characters will share a first kiss.
• Somerhalder and I spoke over the summer about how much he hates Damon’s most vulnerable moments. Let’s just say he must have really, really, really hated one of the scenes in this episode. Really.
• Stefan’s protective instincts will emerge in a way they never have before. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
• Someone will do something unforgivable.
• Tyler’s rage will reach a new level. I gasped out loud during one particularly charged scene.
• What you won’t see: Alaric. Matt Davis is absent from this episode, but with so much action packed into it, you probably won’t miss him… much. This doesn’t foreshadow his presence throughout the season, though. I hear that Alaric’s storylines will still be essential to the plot, and he and Damon will become even more entangled as they try to find answers.

If you feel like you might die of anticipation before you see “The Return,” don’t fret. Zap2it has a veritable wealth of “Vampire Diaries” goodness coming your way before (and after) the episode airs, including an exclusive interview that will go live immediately as the credits roll on the east coast.